75% Done With Sophomore Year, 100% Done With Life

MATHSUXI’m beginning to fear for my future. Will my math grade be suffice? Will it even stay that way after tomorrow’s assessment? These are the questions that haunt me. The fear is escalating to a full blown phobia

My throat tightens at each grade-lowering test score. Can i do anything about it? of course the obvious assumption would be yes. By spending an extensive amount of free periods cooped up in a classroom with my TI-84 in hand and my teacher by my side,  and taking twice as long to complete the homework assignments as any normal student, you’d think I’d be passing. I’m really not sure why I’m not. I’m completely helpless now. At this point, all I can really do is continue to beg my mom for a tutor.  On the other hand, it can’t be that bad if everyone isn’t doing this terrible. All the work I put into my other courses will be for absolutely nothing but the sheer joy of obtaining useful knowledge. The amazing thing is that this is what really matters. It’s what we go to school for. People started school systems because they wanted people to gain knowledge of the world around them. They wanted people to discover, invent, and explore.

It’s almost unfair to judge human citizens in a field of knowledge they haven’t got a feel for. That’s not productive. Would you trust Michal Kors to perform in vitro fertilization with your cells? or even more importantly, would you trust Panayiotis Zavoz to design your handbag? certainly “no” would be a reasonable answer to both questions… Maybe I just wish I were the one to develop the relative theory or the prove that in fact energy does not equal mass times the speed of light.  That would be another daily stress off the shoulders  Math would be second nature. Every class period would become a free period, so long as I could ensure the teacher believed I was paying attention.  Effortless hundreds would be scored on assignments galore. I’d have an understanding of things that matter in the world.

In the grand scheme of things, I wouldn’t want to be the one making any world-changing calculation, and after hearing of how miserably I’m fairing in this class, obviously, you wouldn’t want me to either. This still does not erase the fact that my transcript is near ruined. The number of colleges I’m eligible for will soon wither down to nothing more than everyone else’s back-up institutions. I want nothing more than to be good at math. I want to understand and excel  I have no idea why it’s not happening, and I literally have nothing else to offer. I wouldn’t say I’ve given up. I just can’t turn things around in my own brain. I’m in need of external help, and I’m not so sure if it can wait much longer.

Although this is my second post in this particular subject, I can’t help but fear for my life at the sight of yet another near failing math grade, but this time, on my 3rd quarter progress report. I’m not sure why my brain is so keen on resisting the material, and why each new topic is as much of a strain as it would be if I were asked to memorize the infinite digits of pi. At this point, almost nothing I “LEARN” makes any sense, and I’m just sick of it. That’s all. Bye.